Thursday, September 30, 2010

Chapter 95

95 
THE WATERGATE HOTEL, WASHINGTON, D.C.

Juan answered the door, Beatrice on his shoulder, to greet General Tower with a smile. "Good morning, General!" he said proudly in shaky English.

Tower smiled happily. "Good morning, Juan!" Knowing that the Brazilian had just expended most of his English vocabulary, Tower courteously turned to Jesus to carry the conversation further.

"You should be happy that the riots have stopped. I assume that makes the White House very happy -- perhaps happy enough to give you another star?" Jesus joked.

"Well, yes. The President and his people are very relieved by developments. There don't seem to be any sizeable riots anywhere in the country." allowed Tower. Hesitating for a moment he continued, "Would You mind if I were to ask a personal question?"

"I may not answer, but I would never mind that you ask. Please. What do you want to know?" Jesus said as He brought two cups of coffee.

"Did You stop the riots?" Tower asked gingerly. This was uncomfortably close to the limits of protocol.

"Do you mean did I make it rain in Atlanta?" Jesus responded.

"Did You?" asked the General.

"No. What happened in Atlanta was a meteorological phenomenon. But it was a good idea wasn't it?" Jesus answered smiling.

"Idea for whom? What do You mean?" Tower pressed on.

"Actually, it was Juan's idea. It came to him while he was watching television reports about it. He notices more because he can't understand the talking." Jesus spoke nonchalantly. "Since everyone is praying for rain right now, it isn't surprising that it is raining, is it?"

"Perhaps that makes me wonder if Juan is more than he seems to be. Something special." Tower asked.

"Juan is very, very extremely special, General. He is My friend." Jesus answered. Juan sat smiling on the sofa with Beatrice on his shoulder. "Perhaps you wish you had such a friend?"

"After what You showed me while we were together last week, after I was revealed to myself, all my wishes for my life seem to have changed. For the better. Of course I wish I had such a friend." General Tower said thoughtfully.

"First of all, General, all the changed ideas which you have experienced need not be judged toward the better or toward the worse. They are all changes towards the direction of what you have always naturally been. Along the way you have lost yourself. Now, you are rediscovering what you have lost." Jesus' face was one covered by unimaginable serenity. "As to having a Friend, I have now all the respect for you that I have always had, but after our talk I find that I also have come to hold a great affection for you."

"As much as for Juan?" Tower asked.

"General, you forget yourself." Jesus answered smiling.

"Oh. I have forgotten myself again. Forgive me. I am trying very hard to get past that in myself." the General's voice was filled with sincerity.

"I know. Things will get better. As for friendship. It is like the air on this planet. Because Juan has enough to breathe, does it mean that you will be short? Friendship such as this is available in infinite supply. No matter how many people begin to express it, there will never be a short supply such that someone who wishes to express it will not have enough." Jesus laughed His most disarming laugh of all.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Chapter 96

96
UNITED CHRISTIANS FOR CHRIST HEADQUARTERS, TAMPA

The receptionist's voice seemed uncertain. "She said that she has driven all the way from San Diego to see you."

"Are you sure it's really THE Martha Stratton? You've seen her picture in the newspapers, is it her?" Ruth Yemmer asked. Not many nut cases could get past security, but every once in a while it happened.

"Yes, Oracle Yemmer. I'm pretty sure she's who she says she is." the receptionist affirmed.

"Hell, if that's the case, I should waiting to see her! Send her right in." Ruth Yemmer ordered.

"But what about your ten o'clock with the finance committee?" the receptionist asked.

"Cancel it. Don't disturb us until we're through." Yemmer instructed. Inside the CFC most people assumed there was something spiritually fickle about the work of the Oracle.

"Martha Stratton! I'm Ruth Yemmer. Did you know that you are my heroine? I had about the same kind of life myself, then I read a book a few years ago."

"Do you mean Xanatu Pushbellows?" Martha asked incredulous at the coincidence.

"Yes! How did you know?" Ruth asked.

"If it weren't for that book I'd still be frying eggs in Buck Stratton's trailer." Martha was beginning to relax a little. The Oracle's office looked more like a Greek temple than someplace to conduct day to day business. Songbirds were entering the open atrium to splash and bathe in the pool of the fountain.

"I know all about that scene, Martha. In my case I was working in a dinette, supporting a drunken bum of a husband. A mysterious man saw me being sad one slow night and gave me a copy of the Roaring Woman. I didn't know him. Never seen him before or after. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't Jesus Himself!"

"Oh Ruth!" Martha paused, "Should I call you Ruth or what?"

"I'd be honored for you to call me Ruth, honey. Honored." the Oracle responded, "Why, I feel like you're my sister already!"

"When did your plane get in, Martha" Yemmer asked.

"Oh, I drove. I have a pretty good car, even though Buck's lawyers tried to take it in the settlement. I wanted to see the country. I married Buck in Kentucky all those years back, and we drove to California when he was just starting his ministry. That was an awful trip with him and all, but that is all the traveling I've ever done."

"So have you got a nice place to stay?" Yemmer asked kindly.

"Well, not yet, but I planned to go look for someplace when I'm through here." Martha allowed.

"Nonsense, girl! You're staying with me. I've been dying for some company. I have a very nice apartment right here in the headquarters. You know, security and all. I won't hear of it any other way!" the Oracle made the invitation both compelling and comfortable.

"Why did you come all the way to Tampa, Martha? Surely not just to see me." Yemmer asked.

"Ruth, that alone would have been worth it, but I do have some other business. When things were the worse during the divorce and all, I prayed that if God would just look after me, that I would try to do something back. I know that you can't make deals with God, but here's what I decided to do." Martha Stratton opened her worn purse, rummaged around a bit, then withdrew a folded paper, handing it to Ruth.

"What is this? Oh my goodness! This is an irrevocable letter of credit for fifty million dollars!" the Oracle paused to catch her breath. "Dear Martha, are you sure you want to do this? You know we're doing okay, moneywise, but we can sure put it to good use."

"I want the CFC to be able to meet every move that Buck makes. He's a very troubled man. In fact, sometimes I worry that all that popularity has gone to his head. I'm worried that maybe he has lost his way." Martha explained.

"You know Martha, Buck Stratton seems to be able to make a lot of trouble for us. He's a strong man and a strong leader for his congregation. That is a real advantage that he has over the CFC. I am too old and tired to be that kind of leader for us and it shows. Gosh, I was seventy-four when I became Oracle, and now I'm almost seventy-seven. A lot of times I'm just too tired to keep this outfit hoppin' the way it should be -- although the longer I talk to you, Martha, the more energy I seem to feel." the Oracle smiled kindly at her new friend. "I want to step down for my own sake and for the sake of the CFC. I just haven't found a good successor or I would have already appointed the next Oracle."

"You just appoint the next Oracle?" Martha asked. "Why don't people outside the CFC understand that that is your title?"

"We pretty much just use that name inside our church. As far as the appointment, the answer is basically yes. The Synod of Bishops has to approve. I have an idea, Martha. Why don't you join me in meditation for a few minutes?" the Oracle proposed.

"I'm not sure what to do, Ruth. I haven't ever done anything like that before. Buck always said it was Satanic." Martha blurted. "But, you know I think it is time for me to try something new. What should I do?"

"Let's just try to become calm, and for the first time, why don't you just treat it like a prayer. That's what I'm going to be doing -- being the Oracle. Just like I get paid for." Ruth laughed.

"Being the Oracle means you're responsible for seeing what's going to happen, right?" Martha asked, almost suspiciously.

"That's right, Martha. It's time for me to figure out what's going to happen."

The two women sat on low stools in the cool air of the fountain, quietly meditating. The half hour agreed upon passed very quickly for Martha Stratton. She arose from her meditation refreshed and energized. Ruth Yemmer, Oracle to the millions of members of the United Christians for Christ emerged from her meditation with a Buddha's smile.

"Martha, my dear, dear friend. You will be the next Oracle" Ruth proclaimed solemnly.

"I know." said Martha in a quiet confident voice.

"I was pretty sure you did. Don't worry about the Bishops saying that you paid your way in. They will be your biggest backers when I'm through with 'em."

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Chapter 97

97
AM RADIO, SAN DIEGO

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Ted Harper from Buck Stratton Radio Ministries. Pastor Stratton has a special message for you tonight. He and the studio audience are preparing for that as we speak. Pastor Stratton has an exciting new offer for the radio audience which I am sure he will mention during his sermon. Be sure to stay tuned right after this broadcast for details on how you may order. And, now, from Buck Stratton Radio Ministries in San Diego, California, here is Pastor Stratton!"

"My beloved, this right here is Pastor Buck Stratton comin' to ya' on Stratton Radio Ministries bringin' the message of light to the fallen world. Before we begin I ask that all of ya' join me in a moment of prayer for these brave souls among our congregation who have fallen in Atlanta and other places while they was fightin' with the evil forces of the anti-Christ.

Lord, take these saints and heroes up into heaven with YEW. They done fought th' good fight for righteousness and faith in Your Name. Please keep all of 'em right close by, so's when the rest of the saints from Stratton Ministries gets there we can all be together. Also, please guide us to the total destruction of our enemy, the anti-Christ, because that's what it and my ex-wife deserves!

Tonight my message to you, beloved, is called 'Who Are We?' Now this might sound a little simple, but stay with me! See, in radio land today there's a evil confusion about who's a Christian and who ain't. Don't none of you worry about this too much on account of God can sort this out when its time. But right here and right now we're facing an evil force that is the spawn of Satan! Yes, my brothers and sisters, the SPAWN OF SATAN!

See, these folks wantin' to worship that man in Washington, D.C. have been misled, that's right, beloved, MISLED IN A MIGHTY WAY! They've lost their way on the path of righteousness. They're not like us here at Stratton Radio Ministries! Them folk's on the path to brimstone and eternal damnation! So, who are we? We're on our own path, brothers and sisters! The path of tribulation and trial! But we can take it because we got the real thing! On account of us bein' righteous people we want to suffer in every part of our lives! No hardship or pain will stop us from crushing the armies of the anti-Christ because when we fall in this great battle, we fall into Glory! Praise the Lord! That's Right! Fall Into Glory!

So, beloved, who are we? Outt'a all the folks in this sinful world doin' this and doin' that how can we know just who we are? I can tell you, my brethren, who we ain't! We ain't idolyooaters worshipin' at the feet of the deceiver while he's a sittin' in the circles of power in our nation's capitol! We ain't tricked by the lies of this heretic who tells us that he has come again as our Lord and Savior! This liar doesn't even stand behind the promise of God Almighty what's written in our Holy Bible. He doesn't even know what is written in the Good Book, much less what it means! And believe me when I say this, my beloved, ain't no pastor there to tell Him what it means!

This here demon who just done jumped in among us, beloved, claims he's the reincarnate Christ, but then he turns right around 'n denies that he even said what's written that he did say! And his sins! This jack ass is a makin' evil lies! That's right, EVIL LIES set out to confuse millions of folks who was devout and holy a year ago. He draws in the unsuspectin' and the simple minded, and you, brothers and sisters, know who I'm talkin' about! He even done sucked my wife into his sin and trickery! Now she's a fallen soul. He is leadin' all these souls to a future of judgment and eternal damnation. How do I know? I know because this here Bible is the inspired Word of God. If it's in the Bible, that means God said it. And if God said it, I believe it!

In John One, Chapter 2, John writes "He that saith I know Him and keepeth not His commandments, is a liar and the truth ain't in him." Keep that in mind, now. Yessirree! This liar's livin' in luxury so high on the hog that them antichrists of the past way yonder in the time of Jesus, that being the real Jesus -- the dead one, would'a turned green with envy. The penthouse of the Watergate lots fancier than them palaces where Nero and Herod and them kind was livin'!

See old John should'a writ another verse just to cover what's goin' on here. Maybe John should said 'He that saith I AM HIM, and keepeth not His commandments is a liar and truth ain't in him. That there just about proves everthing pretty darned clear for being in Bible talk and all. Now, THAT we could use! But my beloved, just what kinds of sin's goin' on there in that fancy dancy hotel?

Just like you all, I seen them satellite photos of that demon and his 'friend' in their pool down to Rio. They was naked! Now, can you tell me why these here two growed men's swimmin' naked together? It's damned sure not on account of nothin' the Holy Bible tells 'em to do! Do you think the REAL Jesus spent time naked with His disciples? Nosirree! The Bible don't say nothin' like that 'cause Jesus never done anything like that! What the Good Book says is that a man actin' like that is an abomination! Yessirree! That's what it said! An abomination! That means you're supposed to kill 'em. That's what it means! Yessirree! Kill 'em!

This here is a religious radio broadcast, so I ain't goin' muck down into the details about this particular sin that is clearly going on with our pet demon out there in Washington. However, my beloved, this ministry is offerin' an illustrated pamphlet with a fiction account of a day -- and a night -- in the life of the deceiver and his friend. You must be over eighteen years old to take advantage of this offer. The pamphlet, 'Nights of Sin in the Watergate' is forty one pages and is free to any listener makin' a love offerin' of $15.00.

I wouldn't let MY boy work in that hotel. This here demon can cast spells on people and lead 'em anywheres he wants 'em to go. Any young man workin' in that hotel, in there a'workin' in that nest of demons, had better run for his life! This phony Son of God'll have his way with 'em if they're not careful! Join my prayers to protect them young Marines standin' watch over his abominations!

And speakin' of castin' spells, what about them so-called press conferences? He don't even speak English to them poor reporters -- and you kin bet them poor reporters gettin' sent in there just screamin' 'n hollerin' aginst their will tryin' to keep their jobs while they losing their immortal souls!. Yet, they come staggerin' out of there full of lies and poison, all of 'em thinkin' they heard him say somethin'. This here is because he puts demons in 'em so's they'll carry his lies out to the papers and spread 'em among the people!

This Ministry done found out from secret sources that every one of them reporters gets sick after one of them press conferences -- horrible afflictions right from Satan you know, boils and stuff! They just last long enough to get their stories -- that meanin' his evil message -- into print. The deceiver uses the great suffering of these honest people to get his poison into print! The shame! And calls himself by the name of Jesus! Shame!

Why does this so-called man hide behind the Marines and the Secret Service? I'll tell you why, beloved, and that's on account o'him not being able to face the truth in our faces -- God's truth -- when we greet him on the street. Did the real Jesus ever hide out in the back seat of an armored limousine or zip around in a darned helicopter tryin' to stay away from the regular folks? Nosirree! Them's regular folks like us! Who's he here to see, anyways?

See right here, it's gonna be up to us to keep the world straight on what's okay and what ain't. We're the ones knows what sinnin' is! You heard me ask the question at the beginnin' of this here broadcast. 'Who are we?' Well, we the ones gotta spot sin and speak up, that's who we are! As good members of this here Radio Ministry, we should all be thinkin' about sin and shame all the time. Them's God's gifts to us so's we can steer a straight course to the Promised Land. We need to share them gifts with the folks ain't seen the light yet. Enough sin and shame thinkin' may just get 'em into the flock.

So how are you going to think about sin and shame even more than now? Ole Ted Harper is gonna tell ya' all about this excitin' new thing Stratton Ministries is doin'. He be on right after I'm done so I'll get off and give the microphone to him. This is Pastor Buck Stratton of Buck Stratton Radio Ministries thankin' you all for tunin' in tonight. May God bless you and keep you, my beloved."

"Thank you, Pastor Stratton, for that wonderful sermon. I'm Ted Harper back with you for a moment to tell you about an exciting new product from Stratton Ministries.

Now, if you collect football cards, you wind up knowing all about football. This is the same with baseball cards, only you wind up knowing all about baseball. Well, following along with what Pastor Stratton spoke about tonight, Stratton Ministries has come up a new idea. We hope it will be a blessing to you as you try to increase your concentration on sin and shame.

Stratton Ministries is going to make a complete set of SIN CARDS! And to kick this off, we're going to do something that we don't do very often. We are going to have a contest where you can win a FREE GIFT!

This is how it works. Stratton Ministries is going to have a SIN CONTEST! That's right! 'PIN THE SIN ON THE DEMON!' Name his sins! Then send us a postcard describing the sin you think he committed. If your sin is used on our collectible anti-Christ cards, you will receive absolutely free, a certificate that will entitle you to ten cards. Every card will have a full color picture or artist's representation of the ANTI-CHRIST committing this sin, similar to the ones in your Bible, and the sin being committed will be printed on the back!

As Pastor Stratton said, we're the ones who know right from wrong. We're the ones who have the job of judging others! These cards will be a great game for the whole family. Kids can learn the principles of Biblical Condemnation at home while they're looking at every flavor of Biblical Sin!

So, send in your SIN POSTCARDS, one sin per postcard please. Be sure to include your name and address. When we have enough, we will make the SIN CARD GAME available in the Stratton Ministry Christian Product Outlets in our regional Service Centers and in Pastor Buck's Toy Box retail outlets across the country.

One last note. Don't wait to order you copy of the pamphlet, 'Nights of Sin in the Watergate' for a $15.00 love offering. Supplies are limited.

Until tomorrow, the is Ted Harper of Stratton Radio Ministries wishing you a good night. God Bless."

Monday, September 27, 2010

Chapter 98

98
HEADQUARTERS, BUCK STRATTON RADIO MINISTRIES, SAN DIEGO
"Good sermon, Pastor Stratton. The whole crew was listening on the monitor and everyone said how great it was! I don't quite understand it, but your words reach into me and move my heart every night." Harper was trying to get the little monster off to a good start. Stratton was usually in a foul mood after the sermon -- the kind of mood a hard drinker gets into when he's started for the day then gets interrupted for a couple of hours to deliver a sermon.

"You can just stuff your shit, Harper! Ain't no preacher livin' what could get to that twisted little soul of yours. Don'tcha in your wildest dreams figger I'm buying your little kiss ass lies! Nosirree! Nosirree, not for one minute!" The pastor was in terrible shape. His shirt collar, never large enough to accommodate his bright red neck, was soaked in sweat. His eyes seemed to be bulging a little more than usual, perhaps even beyond what could be accounted to his high blood pressure.

"You kin earn your keep by gettin' me a drink! A little mash wiskey'll set me back on these tired ole' dogs." Stratton landed in his favorite chair, a well worn recliner he had brought with him from the trailer, and positioned it all the way back. Always bow legged, his boots pointed out at angles to either side past the foot bar.

The 'tired old dogs' comment braced Ted Harper for the inevitable struggle to remove Stratton's boots. He handed the little red-faced man a drink and stepped away. Someone was at the door. Leaving the door closed, he leaned close enough to be heard through it and asked, "Who it is please? Pastor Stratton is resting right now."

"Open the godamned door! Open 'er up this instant! It's me! Lolly!" came the voice returning from the hallway.

Ted Harper made momentary eye contact with the pastor. Stratton's tired red eyes hesitated for a moment before he nodded. He downed the last half of the contents of the old fashion glass in a single pull as Harper opened the door.

Lolly Harshaw entered the room in a flurry as if she were twenty years younger. Her face was completely covered by a blanket of pinkishly off-colored foundation. The details of her eyes and mouth were accentuated in garish color applied by brush. Shocking red lipstick against the pallor of her cheeks hardly prepared the eye of the beholder for the iridescent green of her over done eye shadow. Taken as a single impression the aging face seemed to strike out at Ted Harper's sense of well being if not his actual physical balance.

She brushed past Harper as if he didn't exist. "Why, there's my sweet, sweet Honey Lambikins! Did you think your little Lolly Pop had fergot you? Ah just knew you'd want to see what daddy's little girl bought while she was out shoppin' today!" She turned in an exaggerated parody of a model on a run way. Her shopping accomplishment amounted to an expensive yet tasteless pair of sheer skin tight pedal pushers and an open shouldered peasant blouse. The potentially innocent outfit was set in motion by a string of large red plastic pearls. The flesh toned pedal pushers would have been indecent had the fabric not offered up an ever so slight metallic sheen. "I was trying to find just the right thing so's I could fire that hot Christian blood up tonight once I git you home to our little love nest! You better be dustin' off the Song of Solomon 'cause I kin already barely wait!" Lolly was able to deliver all these words during the time it took her to walk from the door to where Pastor Stratton was sitting, resigned to being unable to interject even the feeblest comment.

Still gushing, she planted a whorishly red lip print on the old man's head, evaporating what little decorum Stratton still had in a carefree whimsy. Adding insult to injury, her false eyelashes had reached just to his bald spot, painting dainty cat's feet of mascara in the center of his pate.

The Pastor tried to relax under the onslaught of affection. In fact he remembered his normal self well enough to brush the aging show girl aside long enough to address Ted Harper. "Harper, git over here and pull my boots off!" The request seemed bizarre, but the man was actually so fat that he could not possibly reach his heels to do the job himself. Harper dreaded it. Stratton loved it. The Pastor saw it as a perk of his powerful if precarious position. Left to his own devices he would be obliged to wear the boots on through the rest of his life and into his death bed. Made of the most supple lizard skin, the footwear had cost upwards of a thousand dollars. But that was only a starting point for Pastor Buck. He had contracted a "leather artist" from Enid, Oklahoma, to add an additional thousand dollars' worth of horrendous multi-colored Christian symbols, many unrecognizable, to the boot's lowers. The result was a clear nightmare not only of tortured taste, but also of pinched toes and aching arches to the man who couldn't walk that well when he wasn't wearing them -- even sober.

Harper turned toward his duties, but as he stepped toward the lounger and the scene of Lolly's, by now, invasive indiscretion with the man she hoped would someday marry her, she interrupted. "Hey! just a minute there, you! Since I'm here, I'll do the boot takin' off tonight! Wouldn't my little soldier rather have a woman's touch?" she asked Stratton who was somewhat relieved at the prospect of having her attentions directed at his feet rather than his face.

"I shore would, honey plum! I have to say I got a darned Christian hate fer them boots. Ever time I go hobblin' across the stage to deliver my sermon, I'm wonderin' if I'm gonna fall on my can, right in front of the damned studio audience. I only wear 'em 'cause I'm too damned short if I don't. just wouldn't do to have the most powerful man in America peepin' up over his podium like a damned ole cock roach a'peekin' outta some crack." Buck Stratton braced his hands on the arms of his recliner in preparation for the first tug.

"Now, now, my little sweet potato! You just forget that 'too short' talk while you're around me. I ain't ever complained of too short, if you get what I mean!" Lolly started to giggle again. Aside from being starkly superficial, she somehow managed to inject both a shocking vulgarity and an irritating Southern accent into it. The resulting masterpiece would have been a solid foundation for the defense in a first degree murder trial.

"Not in front of the help, Lolly! How many times do I gotta tell you that talkin' that bedroom shit out in public 'll make 'em call you worse'n what they do already! You kin be Jezebel back to the mansion, but out in public you better be a tight ass little Christian bitch who don't approve o'nothing just like them fancy church women don't. You can just start a'usin' your head or you gonna get another spankin' from Daddy!" Stratton's last comment seemed to have reached what consciousness there was in the woman. She shut up and began to work diligently on the boots.

"Pastor Stratton, if you just give me the okay, I'll have that podium shortened a little and solve this boot problem by tomorrow's sermon. Your production people can get you set up just right. I will personally oversee all the work. Think how much more comfortable you're gonna be out there if you don't have to wear them boots." Harper was gradually mastering certain aspects of illiterate speech. Even his meager progress seemed to have a calming effect on the Pastor, who felt more at home when those around him joined in butchering the language. He felt more at home, but not more trusting.

"Oh, go on ahead and do it. I suffer enough to be righteous without the godamned boots. But it had better be right, Harper. Got it? Right!" Stratton had his left boot off at this point. He had moved halfway toward being as rational as he got.

With Lolly still busy working on the right boot and Stratton distracted by the view into her purposely revealing bodice as she worked at his feet, Harper saw his opportunity. He made the Pastor another drink. He paused as he handed it to the man in the chair. The pause was a theater pause, long enough for Stratton to notice.

"Are you feelin' all right, Pastor Stratton. You're lookin' tired. Not that you don't have every right to be, keepin' up with your schedule and all." Ted Harper spoke loudly enough that Lolly would hear every word.

She spoke up before the Pastor could speak, as usual. "He ain't never felt better. Lord Almighty! He's as frisky as a bull on a cold morning!"

"Well, Andy and I've been talking..." Harper began to deliver message he and Rosenthal had devised.

"This ought'a be good. Just like a rattle snake a'tellin' me a joke. Don't matter if it ain't funny or not, ya cain't let the little bugger too close to your ear!" Stratton, now free of his tormentors, sighed as he kicked the last boot off onto the floor.

"Now, now, Buck honey. You pay this college boy to think around here. Why not listen to 'em?" Lolly's intercession was right on que. Harper smiled inwardly.

"Alright Lolly Pop, I'll listen to him just cuz you want me to. What is it, Harper?" Although his voice was as demanding as usual, Stratton seemed prepared to actually listen.

"Pastor Stratton, I've been thinkin' that perhaps your destiny is for something greater than this radio ministry. By that I mean something that still would give you the chance to speak to the followers, but would also make it possible for you to put some of the Biblical truths you talk about in your sermons into practice." Harper dramatized seriousness in his face and voice more for Lolly's sake than Stratton's.

"If your talking about crap sales, son, you're right. We ain't sold half as much crap as I plan to." Pastor Stratton's third drink was beginning to hit him. Enough whiskey tended to make him more honest than usual.

"We were thinking about the idea of you going into politics. You're the one preachin' the gospel of truth to the nation and no one wants to change that none. Everyone's countin' on you! But just think of the good that could be done with a man of God sitting in the California Assembly!" Harper pumped the little man's ego as rapidly as possible before the Pastor lurched into something else.

"Christ, Harper! Ah already got more then I can handle. It's a goddamned load o' work to sheperd this here herd of God's flock. Hell, man there's near on to a hundred million of 'em!" Stratton's eyes began to bulge again.

"Anyways, Harper, you an' your lil' Jew friend are fergettin' one thing. These here sermons o' mine are just 'xactly what's bringin' in prosperity to this ministry. You go horsin' around with that and you two are a'pissin' in the milk pail!" Stratton turned to bark at Lolly. "You just make yourself useful by sasheyin' over yonder 'n gettin' me a drink!"

"Now I'm gonna tell you somethin', boy. See, ain't just anybody can step up there and talk on the radio and do what I'm doin'. Nosirree! Nosirree! Not at all. You gotta have the voice o' God reachin' down into your soul or else you won't have the inspiration it takes. I can tell when God's a'talkin' to me. I can feel the holy message a'comin' into me. Fact, it just comes into me right about here!" Buck Stratton pointed to his belly which by this time had broken the bounds of his too small shirt.

"Ah git a kinda' itchy twitchy feelin' right there, boy. That's when I know God's a talking to me. You don't just dump your ministry and jump into politics when you're the one's got that little twitch! Nosirree! Nosirree Bob! That little twitch is just specially saved by God for the chosen one." The Pastor turned again toward Harper, giving him the best he could muster for a piercing stare. "Yeah, Harper. And I'm the chosen one around here. I'm the one God's a talkin' to 'n don't you ferget it! I might need me some new help, but God 'n me done agreed that I don't need no new job! Only new job around here'll be to replace your sorry ass!"

As if to make what pathetic emphasis he could, Buck sat up in the recliner and said slowly. "It's havin' to worry about you two godamned snakes a' creepin' on me all the time's what makes me tired! Mebbe I don't need any new job t'all. Mebbe I just need different help!"

Lolly once again took the little man's head in her arms. Turning to Ted Harper, she said, "I think you're a bad person."

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Chapter 99

99
THE WHITE HOUSE

President Robert Haskill was a familiar face in the offices of the consulting company which covered Tom Hanneman's real occupation. In fact, Haskill would have been a familiar face had there ever been anyone there to see him. The offices had desks and chairs for more than a hundred, but there was never a soul in the place when the President called save one very elderly woman who sat outside Hanneman's office suite, apparently completely unaware of anything. She smiled sweetly as the President brushed past. Robert Haskill had wondered at various times if she might be a robot of some sort or perhaps Hanneman's mother. He knew that this was not a place where one asked questions.

Hanneman rose as the President entered. "Mr. President. Thank you for coming. We need to have a short, very private conversation."

"What's up, Tom? Not more rioting, I hope." Haskill commented.

"No, Sir. This is good news. A certain kind of opportunity has developed. I wanted to brief you on it."

"What do you mean 'opportunity'?" Haskill shuddered defensively. Conversations with Hanneman about 'opportunities' were always terrifying.

"Robeles and his roommate had company last night, female company." the advisor answered.

"I already like this. Who was she?" asked the President.

"Not she, them. Six young Marines, two men and four women." Hanneman answered.

"Well, at least His arithmetic is good. Do we know what they did?" Haskill asked.

"Not exactly. Tower has got that place so tight that it's hard for even me to find out what's going on there. One thing we do know is that it got pretty mushy at 'Good Bye Time'. I don't think they were prostituting themselves. It looked more like a pretty strong romantic attachment. But, like I said, this opens a door of opportunity, especially since they were Marines." Hanneman's eyes seemed to become ever so slightly more beady.

"You said 'romantic'. Do you think they met before somewhere?" the President was becoming thoughtful, of course, fruitlessly thoughtful. In fact, Haskill's expression could best be described as the product of 'acting' thoughtful.

"I don't think so, but this is what I wanted to tell you about." Hanneman continued.

"I guess I don't quite follow, Tom." the President muttered.

"What I am saying is that you are their Commander in Chief. You can transfer these Marines anywhere you want to. You want Robeles to play ball in your campaign, so wait for Him to ask you to transfer them back. When He asks, you can say yes. Then you're the hero. Plus He will owe you one. Then at campaign time, you can cash in your chip! That is if you still want it." Hanneman was a genius at stuff like this.

"Veemer won't do it. He hates me. He won't do anything anymore. It's terrible the influence Robeles has had on him. Tower, too. They're a couple of altar boys. I'd fire 'em except I've already fired too many generals. Too close to the election." complained Haskill.

"Your new Navy Chief of Staff, Admiral Bonforth. He can do it. He's still new enough to want to please you. He'll do it." Hanneman suggested.

"You mean go over Veemer's head?" the President asked, worried.

"Exactly. Just consider it to be side stepping an administrative obstacle." Tom Hanneman had set the hook. President Robert Haskill had just effortlessly agreed to the most provocative move since Truman fired MacArthur.

"Should we threaten Robeles first. Let Him know what the deal is?" the President asked.

"No. Transfer 'em first, then let Him come to you to ask for help." Hanneman said. "Bonforth watched Galter get fired for being stupid and not being a team player."

"Yes. I'll tell him how important this is to me, then I'll send him to you. I don't want any of this traceable to the administration." Now President Haskill was acting competent.

"That will work. Don't worry. I'll handle everything." Tom Hanneman announced confidently.

"You always do, Tom. You know I appreciate it." President Haskill smiled.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Chapter 100

100
 THE WATERGATE HOTEL, WASHINGTON, D.C.

Jesus and Juan finished the breakfast which had been delivered to the penthouse. "You know General Tower wants to see both of us this morning. I can't tell what's come up, but the look on his face yesterday when he told Me said everything." Jesus mused as he looked at the pictures in USA Today. The language thing didn't really work very well with the written word.

"What do You mean, 'said everything'?" Juan said looking for his swim fins.

"I mean he was clearly not looking forward to the meeting. I think it will be some kind of bad news." Jesus answered.

"General Tower seems to be a man who constantly carries the burden of sorrow. On the other hand, that is pretty much the task of a general, to bring sorrow. I think we should go back to the country. I want to do that again." Juan was able to meet any situation with the same approach. He immediately stepped into the present, the here and now. It was a great part of his personality, and it was worth a great deal when things in the future grew difficult.

The, by now, completely recognizable double knock of the General was still in progress as Juan opened the door to the penthouse. Jesus and Juan were both convinced that the General entered every room in the same manner, as if he were trying to catch the occupants doing something he didn't approve. As always, he cleared his throat and tossed a tablet with notes on the table. Clearing his throat, he had explained to Jesus, was a 'general thing'. It was his way of making sure everyone was ready to listen to him.

"Jesus, and Juan, too, this concerns both of you. Everything I'm about to say is a long ways from being within the protocol of the treatment you rate, but I am hoping that we can clear up some things that could turn into real trouble." General Tower began. "This homosexual thing that Stratton is trying to start is an example of what we're talking about here."

After the translating for Juan, Jesus responded innocently, "We thought that was pretty well being forgotten by now. Is Buck back at it? We both thought he'd be busy with the Sin Contest by this time."

"Buck Stratton is only one aspect of the problem I'm talking about. Frankly, my having this conversation with You at all is far beyond the limits of my normal duty. It's usually the case with foreign dignitaries that the State Department assigns what is called a 'keeper' to them, someone who can help steer them through the subtleties of being in the U.S. In Your case, the President assigned a military command, mainly with the task of keeping You safe, if You understand what I mean." General Tower, a man who assumed he could father an infant into adulthood in twenty minutes, was actually back pedaling. The man's monumental self-confidence seemed to have hit a bump in the road. "So, in a very respectful way, I think its time that we have a father to son talk."

"Remembering Who I am, filling the shoes of My Father might be a pretty tall order, General." Jesus smiled.

"You know that's not what I mean. Let's consider it more a friendly chat with an uncle. Okay?" General Tower was flustered. Juan found it amusing as Jesus translated rapidly. "Here's my point. Sir,"

Jesus interrupted what he started to say. "General Tower, my Name is Jesus Robeles. It isn't really Robeles, but its definitely Jesus. I am thirty years your junior. I should call you 'sir', not the converse. Perhaps you will wish to call me 'sir' in the presence of others, but when we speak to each other alone, I would greatly prefer that you call me 'Jesus'. It is My Name. When you call Me 'Jesus', I will answer. It would please Me very much."

"Very well, ah, Jesus. Yesterday morning You told Secret Service agent Barnes that security measures deployed around Your residence were 'rat shit' suggesting that You disapproved of them. You informed Colonel Nichols that as far as You were concerned, Your telephone service was 'guts up' suggesting that the system was inoperative, which it wasn't. On the way to the press conference You told Your limousine driver that traffic was a 'cluster fuck' meaning that the roads were busy.

"These are only examples of some of the new words You have learned from Your young Marine friends. These kinds of expressions are considered inappropriate for polite members of the community. If a young child were to utter any of these phrases, his mother would punish him by washing his mouth with soap and probably some other things. When the boy could speak again, she would ask him to name the person who had been a bad influence on him, leading him to say these things. The members of Buck Stratton's congregation consider saying these words to be a sin. When You say these things, people will think You are a bad influence. That development would not go along with Your overall goal in being here.

"I can't tell You not to say these things, but I can advise You that such language will set back Your desire to have people listen to Your message comfortably. Should You desire to stop using this type of language, I have taken the liberty of having staff in operations prepare a list in Portuguese of words and phrases to avoid."

Jesus' joke about the father to son talk was falling flat. General Tower had clearly taken the high ground. The General continued. "Now I know You're not a homosexual, but people here look upon swimming naked with Juan as being good evidence that You are. There is no amount of security I can offer to You that will completely keep them from prying in to see that sort of thing. Your freedom is so limited now because everyone and his brother is trying to dig up dirt on You."

General Tower continued, "Then there is this business of Hustler magazine. I guess I am not surprised that You and Juan would like to look at that, but it's in the same category as the swear words. It throws a mixed signal to anyone who finds out about it. On the one hand You're supposed to be a pretty Holy Guy -- and I realize that only means Holy in the minds and ideas of people who aren't too sure what that means -- and on the other hand You're sitting here with a girlie magazine. I suppose that most people think that looking at a girlie magazine is sinful. I'm sure my mother wouldn't know what to do with that news. She just wouldn't know how to handle it at all."

Jesus waited to answer until He was certain that the General had finished. "Thank you very much for your willingness to be helpful, General. I have to say that My public relations accomplishments to date have been less than stellar. I will cease using the words and phrases on the list at once. I was, frankly, unaware that they were in bad taste. When I spoke them in Portuguese, they seemed innocent enough.

"As for swimming together, Juan and I have been swimming together naked since I was about two years old. I think that I am willing to agree to many things so as not to offend the people of the United States, but this one thing, I believe I shall simply continue. I have accommodated many American customs, some of which even I find either very funny or outrightly sinister. The Americans can accommodate Me now and again. It might benefit them spiritually if they don't always get to have everything their way."

"As to our copy of Hustler magazine, perhaps you can understand this better if you consider living your life as I have lived Mine. Had you ever kissed a girl, General, by the time you were twenty three? Had you ever seen a woman's body? And more, if you hadn't ever kissed one or seen such a body, tell me that your wouldn't take an opportunity -- your first as it was our first -- to see something like that?"

"Anyway, we pitched that magazine. Juan and I agreed that all those women looked too hungry. Marine women are better fed and healthier. More fun, too. Besides, who needs a magazine when He has the real thing? Now that Nicole and Brenda have entered our lives, we are quite satisfied without magazines." Jesus turned to Juan, asking if he had anything to add.

Beatrice dutifully piped up, "NICOLE AND BRENDA ARE THE BEST! NICOLE AND BRENDA ARE THE BEST!"

"I only want to tell him 'thank you' for taking the time and extra effort to tell us about these things before they progress into something more serious. Also tell him that, aside from what Jesus said, his talk seemed quite fatherly to me." Juan smiled at the General as Jesus translated.

"Since we are on the subject, I have some difficult news for You. News about the Marines who visited You the other evening. PFC Stentson and Corporal Vasquez have been transferred to the Algerian Peacekeeping Force. Sergeant Bennet has been stationed in Indonesia at the military attache's office. Corporals Stone and Ramsey are now stationed in South Africa and Sergeant Teal has become an administrative assistant in Kodiak, Alaska. I inquired personally about all six of these Marines. They are all fine and hard at work at their new assignments." General Tower relayed this information more as an announcement than as conversation. He braced himself for Jesus' response.

Jesus translated everything into Portuguese for Juan. The news hit the Brazilian like a cold fish in the face. Jesus turned to General Tower. He eyes blazed with an unearthly fire. General Tower could feel the presence of Jesus within him. It felt as if it were a great, strong hand toying with his life. The General rethought his latest intelligence about the helicopter pilot. The General did not like this feeling. He also couldn't talk or move. It was clearly time to listen.

"The Marine Corps should not have done that dirty little business, General. You are fortunate that I know you had nothing to do with it. It will be your task to undo it and quickly. I have no interest in pulling rank on you because you have been a good friend to Us. You have been fair and kind to us while we have been here, very much like the father we were joking about a moment ago. But that all being as it is, don't think I won't pull rank, either earthly rank or heavenly rank, on whomever wrote those orders." Jesus' voice was cold and casual even though it had assumed a tone of terrifying determination.

"Jesus, those orders did not originate with me. They also did not originate with my boss, General Veemer, Commandant of the Marine Corps. They originated higher than him, maybe the Joint Chiefs or even the President. Veemer wouldn't have done it. The orders had to come from over his head." Tower revealed his anger at the usurpation of the chain of command. "Those people, and a lot more, all outrank me. That's the way the Marines work. I can't help You. I'm a soldier. I don't have to agree with things like this, but I have to follow orders." General Tower had now successfully hidden in the last and final cover. Those people, and a lot more, all outrank me. That's the way the Marines work. I can't help You. I'm a soldier. I don't have to agree with things like this, but I have to follow orders." General Tower had now successfully hidden in the last and final cover for any soldier -- orders.

"Very well, General. If you can't solve My problem, you'll aid and abet a solution. Make arrangements, urgent arrangements, for Me to speak to President Haskill. Tell him if he won't talk to Me on the phone, that I plan to visit Him in person. Remind him that I can visit in foreign capitols or on Air Force One at My leisure." Jesus was deadly serious as He continued. "And you can tell Me what military commission is suitable for those six friends of Mine that would allow them to remain near Me without being transferred to the four corners of the world. I have been a very docile guest so far, but have faith, I can turn a new page to change all that in a substantial way if necessary."

"I suppose they could staff a military affairs office, that is they might be clerks to a military advisor. But that post would require them to be under an officer -- they are all low ranking Marines. As a Head of State You rate a military affairs office. I can't imagine what You would do with one, but it certainly wouldn't be the only unit in the U. S. military without a mission." Tower was clutching at straws.

"What does a military mission do? I mean, what would I need as a, what did you call it, virtual Head of State which would require a military mission?" Jesus continued. His voice had not become less frightening to the General. It was beginning to ring out as if it were an excerpt from "The Ten Commandments."
 
"Well, individuals who are Heads of State are presumed to have a nation of origin, someplace where they are the boss. That country would have armed forces just as this one does. If some kind of snag develops between the U.S. and that country of origin, the Head of State will approach the problem on a diplomatic level. His military mission would provide lines of communication between the Head of State here, his armed forces and the U.S. armed forces. It is a very common arrangement that is used to prevent mistakes in military affairs." General Tower had regained his composure and was, once again, trying for 'father' status.' "Once such a commission is established, You would have substantial influence over its organization and duties. Now, if You will excuse me, I'll place that call to the White House."

The afternoon dragged on. Jesus and Juan had lunch and attempted to concentrate on a soccer game on television. The announcer for the game spoke Spanish which, to them, was no more understandable than English, but the action was clear enough.

"Juan, it's three thirty, I would have thought that President Haskill would have called Me by now. I wonder what that little worm is up to." Jesus paced across the vast living room again -- for the tenth time.

Beatrice agreed with the evaluation, "LITTLE WORM! LITTLE WORM!"

Juan wasn't really paying much attention to the game either. "I'm sure he has General Tower's message by now. I don't think he's going to do anything. I think he's going to wait You out. It's just like playing hide and seek while we were children on the island. Whenever I couldn't find You, I'd just go sit somewhere and wait until You were tired of hiding. Haskill thinks You will get tired of this and change Your mind."

Actually, President Haskill was cloistered in an anteroom in the private section of the great white building on Pennsylvania Avenue. Tom Hanneman, his political advisor, counseled the President to hold his position. "You're showing Him the stick right now Mr. President. I think you need to remain firm while acting uninterested. Let your actions tell Him that this is nothing to you."

"The National Security Council doesn't see it that way. Mr. President, you've got some kind a lid on this right now because, if for no other reason, He's is still asking. No one knows the limits on Jesus' power. I mean, everyone has heard the story about the dead Brazilian, and I for one believe every word that came out of Tower's mouth on that. General Tower is many things, but he is not easily fooled, and he damned sure wouldn't mislead the Commander in Chief." Admiral Peale commented.

"State wanted those kids out of there. For God's sake Jesus was about to fall in love with a Marine noncom! The State Department also wanted to isolate the two of them from the street influence, from the culture influence. Whatever Jesus is, it's better to keep Him in an Ivory Tower than try to deal with Him after He gets street smart. So far He's been a kind of intellectual type. Everything, news conferences and the rest has all been pretty academic. The situation can change drastically if He starts to be influenced by a bunch of rowdy kids." Admiral Peale continued, "The State Department saw this as a good solution, a containment, and General Veemer disagreed. The Navy Joint Chief went over his head on your orders. Now Jesus is looking to the President. He knows you are the only one with enough clout to overrule the Commandant of the Marine Corps, the Navy Chief of Staff and the State Department at the same time. But you must remember that, as President, there is no possibility that anyone went over your head. You should assume He knows that."

A worried Tom Hanneman stepped into the conversation. "I still agree with the original proposal. If you are ever going to get Jesus Robeles to participate in your reelection, you will have to use the carrot and stick. Before He met this Marine there was nothing you could take away from Him. Now that's changed. The only problem left is who will carry the message to Jesus? Who will tell Him that Teal could be transferred back here if He would just agree to say something to help you get elected. That is simple enough. What the hell is He going to do? Of course, He'll agree once He knows what the stakes are."

Hanneman continued. "One way or the other, we need to act. We need to go tell Him what He's got to do. The situation here is getting marginal. At eleven o'clock this morning, White House Secret Service went on intruder alert status. That will already be news by dinner time. By tomorrow morning, someone will have leaked that it was in response to Jesus' 'threat' to come see you. Think election, Sir! This is not the image that pulls in votes in Iowa!"

Admiral Peale could see that President Haskill was having his usual reaction to the word 'election'. A look of hopeless panic seemed to flood the President's face. The Admiral had long ago accepted the role of comforting or encouraging President Haskill. Peale was the President's main liaison for the use of military force, always a development which paralyzed Haskill. Like all Admirals through all time, Peale thought in terms of missiles and bullets. Like most Presidents through all time, Robert Haskill thought almost exclusively in terms of polls, image and votes.

Admiral Peale needed to prop up the nation's leader, even if in contradiction to the President's spin doctor, Hanneman, who was always at his elbow. "You know that Stratton will have a field day with this stuff. 'President overrides State Department and Marine Commandant in order for young Marines to be permanently stationed with anti-Christ.' He'll tell 'em that you have turned over the military to Jesus. I don't think any of us wants to simmer in that pot!"

"Jesus, Hanneman, what do I do now?" The President almost slumped forward on the desk.

"You might consider acting honorably." the voice seemed to come from no where. Admiral Peale hit the scramble stud on his wristwatch and moved toward the President in an effort to shield him with his body. Hanneman stood up, unable to speak.

What could only be described as a pillar of light was growing brighter across the table from the three men. In a moment Jesus had joined the little conference. At the same time a platoon of Secret Service agents was trying to get the door open. Their futile efforts made on a muffled and distant sound from the inside of the room.

Amazingly, President Haskill called to them in a loud clear voice. "This is the President. Everything is under control in here. Please stop trying to open the door. Just stand by outside for a little while."

Admiral Peale had developed an extremely military look on his face. "How did You get in here? This is a national security conference."

Jesus was quite calm but also quite forthright. "Admiral, I only decided to attend because, unlike most of your national security conferences, this particular one interests Me. Surely, no one will mind if I sit down."

No one minded at all.

"Now to the matter of My friends. I believe you all know the names, rank and serial numbers of the six people I mean. I know that no one will ever accept responsibility for the transfer of these Marines all over the world. General Tower said General Veemer didn't do it. General Veemer got steamrolled by a pack of your heavies. They probably came from the National Security Council or the Joint Chiefs. I don't care who did what. I would be very grateful, and let Me emphasize that again, very grateful, Mr. President, if you might straighten this out."

Jesus folded His hands on the table in a classic posture of prayer. "I am, ah, requesting that you immediately assign a military affairs office to Me. I would like it to be close at hand, perhaps on the floor below My quarters in the Watergate. I am completely convinced that the quantity and importance of paperwork through this office will require an amount of manpower sufficient to keep all of My affairs current. Their mission, of course, will be to prevent any unfortunate military errors between your armed forces and My own. I can only presume that leaders such as yourselves have read historical accounts of such misfortunes in the Old Testament of the Bible."

After hesitating for a moment to allow His words to have an effect, He continued, "I believe that six enlisted Marines under the supervision of a junior grade officer will be enough for this task. I, of course, would never think of making My own staff selections. I am confident that General Veemer will be able to bring his rather extensive military experience to bear on the solution of that problem."

Now He surveyed the eyes of the three men almost cowering in the dark little conference room. Three sets of eyes, wide and trembling, stared back at Him. Jesus smiled. "Absent your objections, I assume this is an acceptable solution. Do you all agree?"

Hanneman finally found the gumption to speak. "Are You, I mean, is This a hologram of some sort?"

Jesus reached across the table, placing His hand, in turn, on the hand of each of the three men. "If it is a hologram, it's really first class, huh?"

Only Admiral Peale reacted to the touch. He jumped back from his previous position of protecting the President. That position, rather than being the classical Secret Service lunge, had turned out to appear more like a full Admiral sitting on the lap of the younger and smaller President in hopes of hearing a bedtime story.

"No it's not a hologram! I said I would visit and I do what I say. I'm visiting! So, do we have a deal or not?" Jesus demanded from the group.

President Haskill looked at Tom Hanneman. The political advisor was clearly rolling through alternatives in his mind, searching for any edge or advantage that could be extracted from this situation. He was also reviewing, before the fact, what kind of press each alternative might generate.

"Tom, just do what's right. It's not very nice for a bunch of generals to be mean to enlisted personnel when they haven't done anything wrong. Especially when those people can't resist them. What happened to those young people is a result of their lives touching Mine. I am determined that My presence here will not directly bring harm to the people I meet. This is a very important idea. I want to emphasize this idea. I will take a Personal Interest in affairs which conflict with My commitment to causing no harm. Admiral, you are a man who can understand escalation. I want very much not to have to make another appearance to discuss escalation with you. Are we all on-line with this new plan?" Jesus was fairly certain that everyone was on-line. Haskill, Hanneman and Peale were also fairly certain that they were on-line.

"You mentioned a junior grade officer to head up the affairs office. Did You have someone specific in mind for this job? I'm thinking that it should be a Marine, since the staff will all be Marines. Perhaps a major or a lieutenant colonel?" Admiral Peale inquired across the table.

"It will be a second lieutenant, Admiral. One who will be selected by the staff of the affairs office. I will provide you with a name after the enlisted personnel have established the office."

"I want to thank all of you for your help in resolving this matter. I'm leaving now to return to the hotel, but I would like to give you all something you need as a token of my appreciation." Jesus was growing brighter and brighter. His features and soon His entire body were turned into the same bright light. Then He was gone.

The air in the stuffy little room was suddenly fresh and invigorating. Each of the three men looked at one another. Then it started. At first, just a giggle, then laughter. The Secret Service agents in the hallway could hear it roaring forth. Teary eyed, knee slapping, barely able to catch your breath in between raucous laughter. It went on for half an hour. The White House doctor was called but stood by unneeded.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Chapter 101

101
PRESS ROOM, KISSINGER PLAZA, STATE DEPARTMENT, WASHINGTON, D.C.


The trip to the news conference seemed a little more rushed this morning than usual. General Tower had waited until the last minute before boarding the limo. Inside, Jesus, Juan and Beatrice were jumping station to station on the radio's push buttons. Juan thoughtfully ceased this activity and turned it off as the General slid into the seat before him. The State Department limousine appeared to a casual observer as a sleek giant luxury car. Riding in it made apparent the amount of armor and weight which had been added to it. The sensation was a bizarre mix between an old pick up and an ocean liner.

"Have You been listening to Stratton any this week?" the General asked.

"Just a little. He seems to say about the same thing every time. For a while I was trying to teach Juan a few English words from the sermons, but he seems to speak in a certain way that makes it especially difficult." Jesus answered.

"Well, I am not talking about how he speaks as much as what he has been saying, You know, about the homosexual business. Have You heard any of that?" Tower inquired.

"Yes, a little. We didn't pay much attention to it. Do you think it is important?" Jesus asked the General.

"I only mention it because there will probably be a question about it at the news conference today." the General commented. "You might collect Your thoughts so You'll be ready for them."

"I guess I hadn't thought of that. All the reporters in the news conferences seem to be pleasant enough. A lot of them are downright friendly. I've never particularly felt that I had to prepare Myself for their questions." Jesus answered thoughtfully.

Jesus, Juan, Beatrice and the General filed into the empty room to take their places. General Tower had to give the nod before the reporters were allowed to enter.

"Hello everyone. Let's get started." Jesus said as He was still walking to the podium.

"Marge Lassiter, Sacramento Enquirer. Everyone has heard the latest from Southern California. Many people now think that Pastor Stratton has 'outed' You and Your friend, Juan. I understand that this a personal affair between the two of you, but would You care to comment?"

"I am aware of the kinds of things this pastor says on his radio show. Of course they are troubling to Me, but I have to say that I would have to be very naive to expect this to be otherwise. It is not a personal affair between Me and Juan, and I would be pleased to comment." Jesus cleared His throat.

"As to Juan's homosexuality, the most I can say is that he isn't a homosexual. In My own case I can say that I am not a homosexual either. In our view, and I speak also for the voice of My friend Juan when I say this, we are not insulted or upset by having been called by this label. It is similar to saying that we each have only one leg. If we had but one leg would we be insulted? And more, since we have two legs what is the purpose of it? If one of us, either Juan or Myself were homosexual should our lifelong friendship be other than it is? What would it mean? What would it mean to the other one? What would it mean to the world? Is this an invitation for Me to speculate about this Pastor's sex practices and tell all the world the answer to My guess about it ?"

"I am here to minister to all men and women, not to judge them. The people of the world are doing as well as can be expected under the conditions here."

"The people who use My Name as the title of their religion and who seem to worship their book as a means to reach their spiritual potential are free to do that. They are also free to take tribal laws made in the desert in ancient times and follow them, if they choose. I can only suggest that they reflect on the nature of this world. In fact it is made the way the Creator willed it to be made. That means there will be one legged men if the Creator causes them to be one-legged. It also means that there will be homosexuals if the Creator makes them such. One day it will occur to these book worshipers that their book is for them. There are others in the world with them. Their book is not for these others who have chosen another path to glimpse the face of God. The book worshipers have spent literally centuries putting forth one opinion after another about the meaning of the book. They have demanded that all people follow their lead and worship the book with them. In some cases this has led to historic tragedy when others have not been able to resist them. It has sometimes led to slaughter and all kinds of other things which even the book says are wrong. I don't claim to understand this. I certainly don't claim to know the secret of the book, if in fact, there is one."

"They usually look in the book and call Me the anti-Christ or the Beast. Just as I am not a homosexual, I am also not the anti-Christ nor the Beast. These words have meaning inside their group. They have meaning to those who worship the book. These words mean nothing to Me other than that they are words inside that religion. Calling Me the anti-Christ means about as much as calling Me one-legged. It doesn't hurt My feelings or discourage Me. It wouldn't hurt My feelings or discourage Me if I were in fact one legged. It has no meaning to Me. I cannot assist these people in the worship of the book, but I wish them well in their search for their spiritual path."

"Now, while I am on this subject. The book worshipers have traditionally been quite unpleasant to the men called homosexuals. I presume that they have chosen to call Me that because they plan to be quite unpleasant to Me, and worse yet, to Juan, My friend. One can only ask why, with such an array of abominations available to them, do they seem to always select this exact one? Why haven't they said that I have borne false witness against My neighbor, or that I have not honored My father and My mother? Why am I not accused of coveting my neighbor's ass, or afflicting a widow or fatherless child? Why is it that I am accused of being a homosexual? Perhaps, it is because these ministers just think about homosexuals very often. Perhaps they think of men lying with men much more frequently than the affliction of widows and fatherless children or bearing false witness against one's neighbor or coveting the ass of the neighbor. Their accusations speak volumes about the thoughts in their hearts and minds. With respect to what I intend to accomplish here, it would not matter one whit if I were homosexual or not. No one will think of that."

"It is difficult in this age to live as desert tribesmen, to follow those laws. I saw fully the results of this in My last life. Many have chosen or have been forced to choose this system of laws as a path toward spiritual adulthood. The end result seems to be consistent whether one attempts it before the Golden Gate of Jerusalem or the Golden Gate of San Francisco."

"What I will ask the world to do is exceedingly much greater than divining the meaning of an ancient book. It is very much harder than going over the verses of their Bible once and again and again for centuries. If the book were meant to have all the answers for all time, why would I show up twenty centuries ago? Or for that matter, now?"

"Finally, if I am a homosexual, what does it have to do with them? I have always felt that perhaps the most important part of spiritual maturity is minding one's own business. It is very spiritual to mind your own business." All the reporters in the crowded little room were wordless as Jesus very clearly got these words off His chest.

"Who's next. The gentleman right here by the aisle. I remember you, Mr. Washington. It's good to see you again. What is your question?" Jesus stepped to one side so He could see the man who was rising from his seat.

"Jason Washington, Newark Daily News. Since we have already broken into the subject, aren't You concerned with the kind of things that are coming out of Southern California? It seems that the single focus of this rather influential ministry is to call into question Your credentials." The man sat down, pen and pad at the ready.

"Two large groups are obviously involved with Me. One wishes to support Me and the other wishes to crucify Me. Again. It's clear now that it hasn't mattered who prevailed in the violence. Neither side has anything to do with Me. All their shooting and fighting serves their spiritual needs not one bit. Considering Who I am, how could I need support from anyone more than I have already? Thinking of the other side, why would I fear a hateful man on the radio selling flame proof Bibles?" Jesus spoke kindly to the reporter, but with solid conviction. "Can you name a man in ancient Jerusalem who criticized Me? There were several, but just now they are unknown. They are lost in history. I'm not. Buck Stratton has a problem. I'm important. He's not."

"That will be all the questions for today. Thank you all for coming." Jesus had mastered this phrase. "General Tower, will you arrange for us to return home?"

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Chapter 102

102
GLOBAL IUP WIRE SERVICE

TAMPA, FL UNITED CHRISTIANS FOR CHRIST HEADQUARTERS
The National Leadership Council of Christians for Christ sent shock waves through its one hundred thirty million members as it named Martha Stratton, recently divorced ex-wife of Buck Stratton of Buck Stratton Radio Ministries, to the post of official spokesperson. She will assume responsibilities for the day to day leadership of the national group. United Christians for Christ officially supports the Divinity of the Reincarnate Jesus and seeks, through a program of national action, to prepare the country politically and spiritually for the Glorious Millennium of the Second Coming.

TAMPA, FL Martin Holcomb, President and Chairman of the Board of United Christians for Christ Ministry told reporters that the organization's new spokesperson, Martha Stratton, has been assigned a full security complement which will accompany her at all times. Details of the arrangements were not made public.

TAMPA, FL Tampa police are examining Martha Stratton's car after a drive-by shooter fired more than one hundred automatic rifle rounds into it where it was parked near United Christians for Christ headquarters. Martha Stratton was not in the car and was not injured in the incident. Security forces for the organization returned fire, but the perpetrator escaped.

Asked about the incident, Mrs. Stratton said "Buck never would buy me a car, because I never had a drivers' license. I never had a drivers' license because he taught me from the Bible that women shouldn't drive. I paid for my own car with money I saved using coupons at the grocery. My friend Betty taught me how to drive it. Xanatu Pushbellows taught me where I needed to go. Well, now I'm here and I like it! So what if Old Buck's Bad Boys gunned down my old Buick in broad daylight? To hell with 'em! I'm still here and I still like it! Everything is working out just fine."

TAMPA, FL In a move certain to infuriate her ex-husband, United Christians for Christ head Martha Stratton today announced that she will donate half of the estimated $100,000,000 divorce settlement to her new organization. "I hope to be guilty of money laundering. The money that Buck Stratton has is dirty. He got it by scaring people into doing stupid things. He took advantage of good people. He got their money. Now, he won't be satisfied until there is a civil war."

"United Christians for Christ isn't working toward a civil war, or riots, or people getting hurt, or people being tricked into giving all their money away. We want to celebrate the Second Coming of our Beloved Savior. We want to awake to the great promise of a new dawn."

"I'll launder Buck Stratton's money. I wish, Praise the Lord, that I could launder his dirty little soul."

SAN DIEGO, CA BUCK STRATTON RADIO MINISTRIES HEADQUARTERS
Pastor Buck Stratton, asked to comment on the news of his ex-wife's gift to the United Christians for Christ Church had only this to say, "I don't know why they think she can do a job like that. Hell, she couldn't even keep house!"

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Chapter 103

103
THE WATERGATE HOTEL, WASHINGTON, D.C.
Jesus and Juan had requested transportation services the night before. The request, as usual, had set in motion a long series of preparations. Even though neither of them would have hesitated to tell the operations officer the destination, protocol had prevented his asking.

Colonel Nichols, General Tower's aide, knocked on the door of the penthouse at nine o'clock sharp, the appointed hour. Several floors down a platoon of Marines was standing by to board the truck which would take them in convoy with the 'guests.' Nichols, although a combat veteran found himself nervous at the prospects of his first one on one meeting with Jesus.

"I'm Colonel Nichols. General Tower sent me to finalize travel arrangements for Your outing today. He will be able to join us shortly." Actually Tower had given him a direct order to appear at the penthouse first. The General wanted Jesus and Juan to feel comfortable with at least one officer other than himself. To further develop this comfortability the General had further instructed his aide to make small talk, a difficult task for a military officer.

"It's nice to be able to travel around at least a little. While the rioting was so heavy we were pretty well just trapped here." Jesus commented in a friendly way, hoping to put the man at ease a little. "It is still very reassuring to have the Marines along."

"There's nothing like having the Marines around when You need them, Sir. We intend to take good care of You." the Colonel agreed, reassuringly. Nichols was having the normal amount of trouble with Jesus' speech in Portuguese being heard in English. He kept having the inclination to shake his head as if to clear it.

"Yes, Colonel. Juan and I both are very impressed with the young men in your command. They are quite different than some other soldiers I have had to deal with." Jesus smiled.

Nichols heard Him speak --again, in Portuguese, but he understood Him in perfect English. The Colonel considered this phenomenon, assumed that there was some sort of Biblical term for the process. He remained absolutely unshaken. After all, he was a Marine officer. If this phenomenon was okay with the General, it was certainly just fine with him. He made a conscious effort to not allow this to influence him either way as to his opinion of the divinity of the Man sitting before him.

Colonel Nichols, still hoping to make small talk as ordered, addressed Him. "Did the Brazilians treat You badly, Sir?"

"Oh no, not that at all. I wasn't referring to them. They were actually quite pleasant. No, I was referring to the Romans. Perhaps you may realize that I have the memory of dealing with the Romans for several decades, you know, before."

Colonel Nichols was no longer able to ignore the questions running through his mind. In an attempt to be cordial, he slowly added, "Oh, yes, of course, the Romans." He nodded in understanding, but he had the sinking feeling he was understanding less not more the longer he spoke with this strange Man.

"Sir," Nichols finally said, "I'm still having a little trouble with the language. Please forgive me if I require a few minutes to become accustomed to Your speech. I am not familiar with that particular type of linguistic ability."

"I'm not too familiar with it either. You know Colonel, until I found out who I was, I could only speak Portuguese, and even that language in the style of a barely literate Amapan native." Jesus' dark eyes seemed to bore into the Marine. "Since we have a moment while we wait for General Tower, I would like to make a special request."

"And what would that be, Sir?" the Colonel asked respectfully.

Jesus continued His piercing stare into the Colonel's eyes. The officer was beginning to feel a little cornered. "Colonel, please don't kill anyone in My Name while we are out today."

Colonel Nichols shook his head. "Nothing could please me more than to comply with Your wishes, but even though the violence has subsided, it remains our duty to keep You safe. My men are good at this sort of duty. Besides, civilians will usually not tangle with my Marines. They are well trained for this sort of thing. There is a very good probability that we'll have no trouble at all. I assure You that I will do my very best."

"No Roman Centurion would have ever said something such as that. I believe you will do your best, Colonel, and I cannot possibly ask for more than that." Jesus was beginning to feel more at ease with this military man. He hoped that the feeling was mutual. There was no avoiding the fact that this Colonel was quite a different bird than General Tower.

"Perhaps we can get to the point at hand, Sir. Where do You wish to go today?" The Colonel felt better at the end of small talk and the beginning of the mission.

At this moment Juan rose to open the door for General Tower who was already halfway through it in his usual entrance. In his shaky English, Juan greeted the older man. "Good day, Sir. I'm doing well"

Tower smiled as if it were the son he never had accomplishing this. Risking a complete communications breakdown, he complimented the young Brazilian. "Good morning, Juan. Your English is becoming very good!" Walking further into the room, he turned to Jesus, "Good morning, Sir. Colonel Nichols, Beatrice."

Jesus told Juan what Tower had said. Juan told Beatrice what Tower had said. Beatrice, who had remained quiet while Colonel Nichols was there, suddenly jumped to life, "GOOD MORNING GENERAL! I'M BEATRICE! I LIVE HERE!"

The General laughed, the Colonel smiled, and Jesus and Juan exchanged a quick glance. The logjam of serious conversation had finally broken.

Colonel Nichols spoke first. "I was just asking where, ah"

The General broke in. "Jesus. He prefers to be called by His Christian name. Jesus."

Nichols continued, "I was just asking where Jesus and His party wanted to go today."

This time Jesus broke in, still laughing, "His party is Juan. Juan also prefers to be called by his Christian name, whatever that is, just so long as it's Juan." Running His hand through His hair, He revealed their destination. Juan and I want to get haircuts before the, ah, military affairs office personnel arrive."

Colonel Nichols looked at the General questioningly, but received a "I'll tell you all about it later" look from his superior.

"Haircuts?" The General was looking at two young men with hair almost down to their waists. This one clearly caught him off guard.

"Yes, Juan and I would appreciate it if you could give us a ride to the barbershop. We will pay for the haircuts with our own money, of course. We already know where we would like to go. Juan found a business card in the drawer by his bed." Jesus turned to smile at His friend.

General Tower knew that an outing into the city was inevitable. "Of course. Allow me an hour or so to organize things. You know, of course, that there is a good barbershop here in the hotel.

Jesus answered firmly, "No, we really would like to go to this one. The name of the shop is Hernando's Snip and Style. It is in the same place as Dottie's Castle of Coiffures on South Jacinto, 1898 South Jacinto. Do you know where that is?" Jesus asked with His penetrating stare.

"Hernando specializes in long hair!" Juan interjected through Jesus. "He says so right on his card."

General Tower was already on his cell phone. Before he disconnected, a Marine helicopter was photographing 1898 South Jacinto from the air.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Chapter 104

104
SOUTH JACINTO DISTRICT, WASHINGTON, D.C.

Tuesday morning began in a very normal way at Hernando's Snip and Style. Hernando Guterros appeared at the locked door of his salon stylishly late at 9:15 AM. In his arms were fresh cut flowers for the single gaudy vase behind his chair. The other chair was broken and had been for several years. Again this morning he told himself in a matter of fact way that he'd get that chair fixed and double his business again. It would be just like the old days when Ramon was here. The mere memory of that man still almost brought a tear to his eye even after six long years. But Ramon was a rat. Ramon had taken his money right from the till. Ramon had charged lots of clothes on his credit card. Ramon was a very bad barber. Ramon couldn't be true to just one man. And since that one man had been Hernando, Ramon was a bastard. Hernando reassured himself, "Life goes on..."

Having completed his morning ritual of reminiscing about his ex, Ramon, Hernando opened the troublesome lock, arms still quite full with cut flowers, lunch bag and his wire rim glasses held gingerly between his fingers, pushed the door open and set the door stop to keep it there. With Ramon out of his immediate attention for another day, he found himself whistling a carefree salsa tune. To his left as he entered he could see Dottie putting the last touches on her first perm of the morning. He placed the flowers in the vase and unlocked the interior glass door between the shops.

"Thank goodness you're here. We needed that door open for ventilation an hour ago, darlin'. And aren't you the dapper one today? You lady killer!" Dottie had long since mastered the art of talking specifically to someone without looking at them. The greeting had caused no hesitation in the application of her skills to the head of curlers before her.

"I see you've taken the Mark of God, Ethel. I can tell it's still a little tender. I'll be careful with the rinse. When did you get it?" Dottie rattled on, twisting in curlers even faster.

"Harry and I both got 'em the day before yesterday down to the Buck Stratton Ministry Service Center. We had to wait until our social security checks come in, then we went right away. I ain't takin' no chances with my soul. Harry ain't either. He ain't the most godly man ever made but he's a tryin' the best he can."

"Did you get yours, Dottie?" Ethel continued to turn the pages of her magazine as she spoke.

"You bet, hon. All this stuff goin' on scares the pee waddin' out me. I'm also sendin' Buck Stratton something outta my tips every week, you know, to help his ministry. Some one's gotta stand up to this devil. In fact, I got him on the radio right now, down low, you know. Hernando over next door ain't really against Pastor Stratton, but he hasn't made up his mind quite yet." Dottie adjusted her own great pile of pinkish silver hair, then returned to the curlers.

"How can anyone in his right mind question it at all? Pastor Stratton has proved everything he ever said, proved it right out of the scriptures." Ethel was flipping through Vanity Unlimited as fast as she could lick her fingers to turn the pages.

Dottie leaned close to Ethel's ear. "He's gay, you know. That's the problem. All that stuff Buck Stratton said about gay people's put him off a little."

Ethel turned to look through the door into the barber shop. Hernando, dressed in a shiny pin-striped double breasted suit was leaning forward on tip-toes adjusting the flowers. At 5'-1" he had to stand on a wastebasket to reach the shelf where the vase sat. Still standing up off the floor, he turned to adjust the flowery silk handkerchief blossoming out of his breast pocket. as he admired himself in the mirror that ran the length of the wall opposite him. He was quite pleased. The shining zoot suit almost hid his moderate belly, and the rhinestone cuff links Ramon had given him shone like Liberace's very own diamonds.

"I never imagined, Dottie. Does that mean he thinks this devil is Jesus Christ? Have you been able to talk to him?" Ethel was staring at the little barber now. "That makes my skin crawl. Pastor Stratton says people like that are abnormations. He says they are spies and secret agents for the anti-Christ!"

Hernando, not privy to this beauty parlor conversation, now stood in all his splendor, posing for the woman seated in the chair in the shop next door as he put the final touch on his hair. He had carried his mane in a jet black pompadour for years.

He turned away from his image to greet his first customer of the morning, a tall man in an expensive suit and trench coat. Indeed, this coat was very expensive. Perhaps even tailored. His customer was wearing sun glasses which accented his already very short gray hair.

"And what can I do for you this morning, sir? Perhaps a trim and a shave?" He asked fully knowing that the man was perfectly groomed, requiring neither service.

"Are you Hernando?" the stranger inquired.

"Why yes, yes of course. I am Hernando himself. At your service." replied the now nervous little barber.

"Do you place your business cards in the Watergate?" The tall man asked, speaking as he slowly surveyed the little shop. "The hotel manager told me you were not on the list of approved advertisers for the Watergate. He wasn't able to explain how one of the guests of the hotel found your card in his night stand drawer. Apparently your business is advertised on one side and something called Dottie's Castle of Coiffures is on the other."

Every set of eyes in Dottie's Castle of Coiffures was now locked in a trance, staring through the doorway at the scene unfolding in the barber shop. Hernando might just as well have been the proverbial deer staring into the headlights. He was utterly unable to speak.

Finally, Dottie, having an ever so slight advantage in genetic presence of mind, although still quaking, of course, spoke up from her station in the next shop. "I can explain that, officer. My sister-in-law, Rosa, is on maid staff at the Watergate Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. She put the cards in some of the rooms she cleans. She was trying to help us out here, trying to get us some more business. She didn't mean nothing by it. Hardly anybody from the Watergate ever comes in here anyways, its too far. Honest. Hardly anybody."

"Well, thanks to Rosa and her unauthorized card sprinkling, a certain, rather special anybody is going to arrive shortly for a haircut. Do you mind if I close that glass door?" The stranger asked Hernando.

Still unable to speak, Hernando nodded his head yes, then blurted out, "No. No, of course not." He rose to lock the door. Through the glass, three pairs of eyes still remained, unwavering, almost filling three faces tormented by the consuming fire of beauty parlor curiosity and the exquisite wordless pain of gossip delayed.

Dottie rushed to turn off the hair dryer and the radio. When complete silence had filled her shop, faint snatches of the conversation next door drifted through the vent high on the common wall. The nearly hysterical Hernando's voice was quite clear. The other man seemed to have a voice which only carried a few inches, yet tantalizing snatches of his comments still reached the women.

The stranger showed a badge. He was Secret Service. Hernando shuddered. The agent asked him softly, aware of the security leak next door, "Do you carry the Mark of God? Can I look?"

Hernando still didn't get it. He tipped his head forward to satisfy the Secret Service man. He offered his own answer. "I don't listen to Buck Stratton. I think he's wrong. Jesus is no Diablo, even if Dottie over there thinks He is. Is He coming here? Why is He coming here? Why is He coming to Hernando's Snip and Style?"

The agent answered simply. "I don't know why He is coming here. I guess He can go any damned place He wants to. You got any problem cutting His hair?"

"No! No, of course not! Oh my God! I've got to call my friends!" Hernando grabbed his cordless phone. He looked up, puzzled.

"It's dead. It will stay dead until this little drill is over. Our plan is to keep a lid on this if that's possible. If everything goes according to plan, we'll be out of your hair and on our way in a couple of hours. Then you can call whomever you want." The agent was firm, yet quite polite.

Hernando was scrambling from drawer to drawer, finally withdrawing a small automatic camera. He looked at the Secret Service man, silently asking permission.

"That's fine with me, but you'd better make sure its okay with Him. I don't claim to know what the facts are here, but why tempt fate and piss Him off?" The agent sat down heavily in one of the four plush velour chairs and picked up a magazine with studied indifference