Chapter 102

102
GLOBAL IUP WIRE SERVICE

TAMPA, FL UNITED CHRISTIANS FOR CHRIST HEADQUARTERS

The National Leadership Council of Christians for Christ sent shock waves through its one hundred thirty million members as it named Martha Stratton, recently divorced ex-wife of Buck Stratton of Buck Stratton Radio Ministries, to the post of official spokesperson. She will assume responsibilities for the day to day leadership of the national group. United Christians for Christ officially supports the Divinity of the Reincarnate Jesus and seeks, through a program of national action, to prepare the country politically and spiritually for the Glorious Millennium of the Second Coming.

TAMPA, FL Martin Holcomb, President and Chairman of the Board of United Christians for Christ Ministry told reporters that the organization's new spokesperson, Martha Stratton, has been assigned a full security complement which will accompany her at all times. Details of the arrangements were not made public.

TAMPA, FL Tampa police are examining Martha Stratton's car after a drive-by shooter fired more than one hundred automatic rifle rounds into it where it was parked near United Christians for Christ headquarters. Martha Stratton was not in the car and was not injured in the incident. Security forces for the organization returned fire, but the perpetrator escaped.

Asked about the incident, Mrs. Stratton said "Buck never would buy me a car, because I never had a drivers' license. I never had a drivers' license because he taught me from the Bible that women shouldn't drive. I paid for my own car with money I saved using coupons at the grocery. My friend Betty taught me how to drive it. Xanatu Pushbellows taught me where I needed to go. Well, now I'm here and I like it! So what if Old Buck's Bad Boys gunned down my old Buick in broad daylight? To hell with 'em! I'm still here and I still like it! Everything is working out just fine."

TAMPA, FL In a move certain to infuriate her ex-husband, United Christians for Christ head Martha Stratton today announced that she will donate half of the estimated $100,000,000 divorce settlement to her new organization. "I hope to be guilty of money laundering. The money that Buck Stratton has is dirty. He got it by scaring people into doing stupid things. He took advantage of good people. He got their money. Now, he won't be satisfied until there is a civil war."

"United Christians for Christ isn't working toward a civil war, or riots, or people getting hurt, or people being tricked into giving all their money away. We want to celebrate the Second Coming of our Beloved Savior. We want to awake to the great promise of a new dawn."

"I'll launder Buck Stratton's money. I wish, Praise the Lord, that I could launder his dirty little soul."

SAN DIEGO, CA BUCK STRATTON RADIO MINISTRIES HEADQUARTERS

Pastor Buck Stratton, asked to comment on the news of his ex-wife's gift to the United Christians for Christ Church had only this to say, "I don't know why they think she can do a job like that. Hell, she couldn't even keep house!"